Everything They told You Is Bad For You Is Good For You

OK, you’ve seen stuff like this before, in fact fatsally did something quite similar here yonks ago, but I’ve been very busy. And anyway it will still make you laugh and help you feel less guilty.

Everything They Said Is Bad For You Is Good For You.
This week we have seen Call Me Dave running amok with his nudger as his cohorts, formerly Nanny State’s Politically Correct Thought Police and now Dave’s Nudger Wielders until we think of a better name, try to nudge us towards being better citizens, eating more shite and refusing things we like, drinking less booze, smoking less ciggies, avoiding dangerous sports like bowls and tiddleywinks, driving less miles in a less cavalier fashion and being less idle (unless of course being idle is the alternative to driving, boozing, eating or enjoying yourself by doing things the Thought Police do not like.

Well Boggart Blog has done its own scientific survey and found that we all do or have done all the things that are supposed to send people to an early grave and we are all still alive, doing things that are bad for you is good for you. Here are our main findings:

1. Drinking Booze…

Scientific evidence overwhelmingly shows moderate drinkers live longer than teetotalers.The recent Million Women Study in the UK, which looked at the link between drinking and cancer, revealed nondrinking women had a higher incidence of cancer than those women who had one drink a day. American researchers found men consuming two alcoholic drinks a day had a 36 percent less risk of developing diabetes.

As the old northern invocation goes, Gerrit downyer, it’ll do yer good.

2. Piling In The Calories…

There is a growing body of evidence that longevity is directly linked to plumpness. In a comprehensive study of weight and mortality, Dr Katherine Flegal from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that the longest lived people on average were not thin but those who were overweight. This finding has been repeated in many other studies. Increases in overweight and obesity have been paralleled by falls in US mortality from coronary heart disease and stroke. And life expectancy continues to increase, despite the supposed increase in obesity.

3. Who’s Afraid Of The Fatty Foods

Research in the UK has found that high-fat cheeses, such as stilton, protect against tooth decay. They are also rich in cholesterol, vital to the production of hormones such as estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone are. Cholesterol is also essential to the production of vitamin D, which regulates calcium levels. Forget what veggies tell you about their super – healthy diet. Studies published last year have show lean red meat is no worse for health than white meat and is the best source of essential vitamins, minerals and trace elements. As for whiite meat, it’s full of tryptophan, which raises the level of serotonin in the brain, which in turn reduces stress, improves mood, and improves sleep patterns.

As liberals we would not dream of discouraging vegetarians and vegans from pursuing such and unhealthy lifestyle. We do think information should be made available to warn them they may end up as rotten toothed, hormonally deficient, stressed out wrecks.

4. Chocolate Is Good For You…!!!

Few women need a scientist to tell them that chocolate boosts mood, activity levels, and even libido. Beyond that however scientists inform us that dark chocolate may also reduce risk of a stroke or a heart attack. American research published in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Science found that cocoa, when consumed at doses equivalent to two dark chocolate bars per day for humans, significantly reduced chemical markers for heart disease in a group of lab animals on a high-fat diet.

5. Don’t Be Afraid To Slob Out…

The body uses rest periods, during sleep or while awake, to repair tissues and restore the immune system. American researchers have found that unrelieved stress can decrease one’s immunity by up to 40 percent. This leads some medical experts to the conclusion that time spent lazing around each day is a better way than exercise to ensure you live longer. In On the Joy of Laziness, Prof Peter Axt writes, ‘We always think we have to be doing something but doing nothing [ … ] could be better’.

Forget the vaccines then, slob out and eat some chocolate (stress lowers immune reactions.)

6. Walk Off Your Illness Or Depression…

A daily walk is almost certain to make one feel better than jogging or workouts at the gym. An article published in the International Journal of Clinical Practice found two dozen physiological ailments and psychological conditions that walking may help prevent.

7. All in the family…

Spending time with people one loves – assuming that includes family – can improve mental health and reduce stress levels. Psychologist Edward Diener’s research has found a very strong connection between research subjects’ unhappiness and their poor social life. Economist Andrew Oswald controversially theorises that better family relationships would be far better for societal well-being than a financially richer society.

8. Laughter Is Still The Best Medicine…

Whether it is a favourite TV programme, a film, a pet’s comical antics or a friends whose fooling is infectious, American researchers have found that laughter boosts one’s immune system, reduces tension and stress levels, exercises one’s heart, and releases feel-good hormones in the brain.

9. Keep In Touch With The Real World…

For most of us, our mood improves when we receive a letter, phone call or card from a friend or loved one. While research in Europe and America has shown addiction to new media and social networking has an isolating and stressful effect American research has found that the more face to face contact we have or the more we use traditional communication methods, the higher our self-esteem and the better our mental health.

10. Power of prayer…

It would be remiss of us, even as irreverent and politically incorrect as we are, to ignore a study recently published in the British Medical Journal that found the act of praying slows down one’s breathing rate and has a calming effect on the heart. In another study published in the same journal the findings showed that superstition and ritual do actually work, improving performances in tasks or sporting activities. So much for those sciencyheads who rail against ‘superstition and magical thinking.’

This is a cherrry picked list but it does serve to show that for every piece of ‘scientific’ advice we are given by The Thought Police, there is a contradictory study just begging to be publicized.

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Goodluck to Nigeria

A scientific report issued last week (and that I’m not going to take the piss out of for once) shows that superstition works. People who carry good luck charms or have little rituals they perform before tacking difficult or stressful tasks were shown to perform significantly batter than those who profess not to be superstitious.

It could be a kind of placebo effect at work I guess. Some people in the comment thread under the article suggested it is the power of belief or that the superstition has the effect of focusing the mind.

Others thought it might be related to positive thinking, they way a product with a positive sounding brand name will outsell one with a neutral title. For example Wignall’s Wonderful Widgets would have an market advantage over Comstock’s Thingummyjigs.

If that is the case be would wager that well fancied candidate for the Nigerian Presidency Goodluck Jonathan is glad his parents did not name him Tough Shit Jonathan.

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