We”re all going to die, WTF

Two items in yesterday’s news caught our eye. The first was good ol’ “Green” Gordon Brown’s pledge that he will give lot’s of our bankrupt nation’s hard earned to “developing nations to shield them from the effects of global warming while they continue to develop their baby making and carbon burning industries. Mr Brown justified this by saying if we don’t reverse climate change we are all going to die.

The second was that Parliament had backed a new scheme to curb increasing alcohol consumption on gounds that as we are all living longer and boozing more our geriatric cirhossised livers and other drink related problems will add £££billions to the nations health bill.

The curbing of alcohol comsumption is a ruse to stop us all wasting money on enjoying ourselves because the government know we will soon need every spare penny to pay our carbon taxes.

But if the government is serious about curbing our drinking habit they should stop promoting nihilistic despair by telling us we are all going to die of global warming, swine flu (remember that?) AIDS, bird flu, MRSA, e-coli, c-dofficile, manic depression, blocked arteries and whatever scare scams I have not mentioned.

It only makes people think, “I’m going to die, WTF, I’ll go out and get wankered.”

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

RELATED POSTS:
Christmas Is Bollocks
Chrstmas Resistance
DA-DA DA-DA DA-DA DA-DA Bat Flu

Swine Flu – No worries, you’ll just gain a few pounds

The government of control freaks are keeping up their fear and panic campaign to turns us all into gibbering wrecks who cower in fear of swine flu. Boggart Blog has always said this scare is simply about making money for drugs manufacturers. Well now we can prove it.

Take a look at the picture below of some Swine Flu germs.

swine_flu

They look like mince pies don’t they? And the medical authorities try to tell us it is not a seasonal disease. What could be more seasonal than mince pies.

Boggart Blog says stop worrying about Swine Flu or H1N1 as we are now supposed to say to distinguish it from Avian Swine Flu (if you know what I mean). It might make you put on a few pounds but who doesn’t in December.

RELATED POSTS:
DA-DA DA-DA DA-DA DA-DA Bat Flu
Greenteeth Labyrinth – Fear and Panic Menu
Swine Flu Conspiracy
Swine Flu – Clutching At Straws
Survivors: State Of Emergency Declared

Around The Greenteeth Labyrinth
THE DAILY STIRRER
and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot
Ian at Authorsden

Government By Fear And Panic

Gordon Brown has been using the tactics of government by fear and panic to try to swing public opinion behind the treaty he will propose at the big expensive jolly for world leaders in a foreign city >:XX sorry, I mean climate summit in Copenhagen. At this jolly old booze up the great and good will get together and decide how to save the planet from the threat posed by global warming.

We do not know what proposals Gordon’s agenda will put forward but you can bet it will not include a pledge by world leaders to desist from flying off round the world to attend jollies every few weeks.

A speech Mr. Brown gave over the weekend might give us a few clues though. He told his audience if the world does not back the Copenhagen Treaty millions of people will die as governments shoot dissenters :> or from flood, famine, plague, killer heatwaves, drought, late pizza deliveries as all sorts of catastrophes take their toll. Nobody will be immune, even politicians will be likely to choke to death when saying “anthropogenic” instead of “man made”.

Boggart Blog wants to ask you Mr. Brown, these natural disasters – will they be in any way similar to the Swine Flu pandemic that was going to have wiped out 450% of the human population by now unless we all trooped off to get our vaccine shot? Or has the pandemic put itself on hold because the vaccine was not ready in time? Or is it like the Bird Flu epidemic a few years ago that was going to wipe us out and in the end here in Britain killed one rather elderly sea bird?

And what about the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. Remember back they were telling us the virus would be carried in air by 1990 and we would be able to catch HIV just by looking at a bare naked lady or even a lady in her underwear unless we wore a decontamination suit? Will your predicted catastrophes of your be like any of those Mr. Brown?

And what about the killer heatwaves? Will they be like the Barbecue Summer we were promised this year, or the Barbecue Autumn we were supposed to get last week? I sat in the garden every day with my sausages and burgers and a cool box full of tinnies, I wore my hat with corks round the brim and I froze my bollocks off.

The trouble with trying to control people through fear and panic you see Gordon is it will work very well once, not quite so well the next time and the third time will just attract scepticism. Your government, Gordon, tries the fear and panic stratagem about three times a week. It is any wonder nobody ever believes a word you say.

RELATED POSTS:
The Renewable Energy Con

The Cure For Swine Flu – Clutch At A Straw.

Nu Labour Health Minister the boyish Andy Burnham, as he tries to assure us the government is on top of the pandemic of fear and panic they generated about Swine Flu increasingly takes on the air of desperation of a drowning man not waving but clutching at straws. Yesterday Burnham was on television talking about how Nu Lab will stop Swine Flue spreading by having schools distribute doses of Tamiflu and a similar anti viral to pupils.

Burnham was quickly crucified on this one by presenter Andrew Castle. Now Andrew Castle is not the most incisive political interviewer, his main claim to journalistic excellence being his once having reached the third round at Wimbledon. Thirty years ago Castle would have been confined to interviewing dogs that said “sausages” or people who stuck nails up their noses. He would never managed to rope-a-dope Dennis Healy or Norman Tebbitt as easily as he did Andy Burnham. The government’s great plan to hand out anti virals you see has not just one snag but many, all of which the government’s spokesman seemed blissfully unaware of.

The type of anti viral being handed out like smarties at the first sign of Swine Flu in a school can cause fatal respiratory collapse in asthmatics, this had happened to the presenter’s own daughter. It was not only the danger to asthmatics, a side effect of the drugs is they can cause vomiting to such an extent dehydration would result. Not an ideal result as the standard medical advice for treating any kind of flu begins with “drink plenty of fluids.”

And finally, even if the drugs don’t kill or harm you, they simply don’t work. Tests have show antivirals don’t cure or prevent swine flu. Their effect, if they have any, is to alleviate symptoms slightly. So what is this ridiculous posturing by governments all about apart from clutching at straws?

Could it be an attempt to salvage an expensive plan that aimed to increase their authoritarian grip on the nation that has failed dismally? Ah well, they who live by fear and panic will perish by fear and panic. It would be funny if it was not so dangerous.

RELATED POSTS:
DA-DA DA-DA DA-DA DA-DA Bat Flu
Swine Flu is a Vatican / Illuminati Conspiracy And what would life be without a conspiracy theory?

Top satire every day from Boggart Blog

THE DAILY STIRRER
and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot
Ian at Authorsden

Swine Flu MP Misses An Opportunity.

The MP for Denton and Reddish, Andrew Gwynne, has become the first Member of Parliament to be infected by the Swine Flu (or H1N1 virus if we’re being picky)

Mr. Gwynne has claimed sick leave from his Parliamentary duties and promised colleagues he will not return to Westminster until he is fully recovered.

He might think he has behaved responsibly but as the Swine Flu death toll grows your Boggart Bloggers feel he has missed a golden opportunity to do the public a great service.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

New Pandemic! Holy Hibernation Batman, The Bat Cave Is Closed.

Bad news for eccentric millionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne and his witless ward Dick Grayson, aka Batman and Robin. Bat caves across the USA are being placed out of bounds and boarded up to stop the spread of a disease that threatens to destroy the bat population.

The bat disease, white nose syndrome, is caused by spores of a mutant fungus that first appeared on the walls of sties filled with pigs quarantines because they were suspected Swine Flu carriers. FBI agents suspect the fungus was genetically modified with Swine Flu virus by mad scientist Prof. Max Megalo and introduced to the bat population through felonious felines controlled by Catwoman.

The disease strikes in winter while bats are hibernating. Once the fungus has colonised their nostrils the bats produce copious amounts of nasal mucus and thus dehydrate themselves.

The Bat Cave close to Wayne Manor, Mr. Wayne’s luxurious mansion just outside Gotham City is no exception to the restrictions and the caped crusaders crimefighting capers have been curtailed.

The crimefighters gracefully accepted the closure of the Bat Cave but Mr. Wayne warned that once master criminals intent on world domination learn that the preternatural peacekeeping abilities of the dynamic duo have been neutralised Gotham City can expect a crime wave of unparalleled proportions.

Mr. Wayne told a Boggart Blog reporter the city could expect some catastrophic criminal calumnies from the many mendacious miscreants the city attracts. Then he excused himself as he had a scheduled meeting with Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara of Gotham City P.D.

His ward Dick said on his behalf: “Bats are sentient creatures and as such have rights but pustulating pipistrelles, people do not yet understand how serious this is. If there was an outbreak of fear and panic when Swine Flu think of the danger bats pose. As well as being a lot smaller than pigs they congregate in huge swarms and fly at night so they are much harder to see and avoid. And spores of the fungus are carried in their droppings which are tiny. So if you have been out at night and a bat shat on your hat you are already at risk.”

Next our reporter spoke to Dr. Pam Dennick of the Gotham City General Hospital Epidemiology Department. When asked if there was any chance of the disease jumping the species barrier to humans Dr. Dennick gave this warning.

“Normally we would have to say no, there are huge genetic differences between bats and humans. having said that, Vampires can take the form of humans or bats so there is a possible bridge across which the disease can enter the human population.

The Doctor offered this advice: Do not date people with very pale skin, eyes that are unusually sensitive to light and who have a penchant for wearing black. They may be innocent Goths but you can’t be too careful. Also avoid physical contact with such people. If you experience a runny nose rub Canesten or a similar treatment for fungal infections on the inside of your nostrils. (people who prefer natural remedies may find tea tree oil helpful) Take plenty of fluids and if you experience any symptoms of the disease do not sleep hanging upside down as humans are built differently to bats and you will drown.

We leave the last word to caped crusader Robin.

“Streaming Sinuses, this is worse than we thought. If the infection spreads civilisation could perish in a sea of batsnot.”

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

If you, like the Boggart Bloggers found the panic over Swine Flu totally over the top you might enjoy reading PANICOLOGY by Simon briscoe and Hugh Aldersley Williams (Penguin Books) a book which dissects the scare stories and presents a balanced view of the true level of risk in relation to the level of fear and panic raised by vested interests.

Buy Panicology at amazon.co.uk

THE DAILY STIRRER

Latest archive selection now online: Boggart Blog Select vol 5

and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot

Swine Flu Hamageddon

I’m having a day off but the excellent Marina Hyde has a post on the impending Hamageddon that is guaranteed to amuse.

Before I go of to scrub up for my night out let’s just wish veteran folk singer Pete Seeger a happy 90th birthday. Those old enough to remember him will know Seeger was a big inspiration of Bob Dylan and many other American and British folk rock bands and singers.

Pete’s best know song was the ditty about modern living in the suburbs, Little Boxes.

Stone me, his Little Boxes will be historic buildings now.

THE DAILY STIRRER

Latest archive selection now online: Boggart Blog Select vol 5

and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
bogboggart
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot