Shock, Horror! Jimmy Savile Was A Dirty Old Man

The latest tabloid news shock – horror revelation, that Jimmy Savile was a dirty old man has left absolutely nobody gobsmacked.

If you did not know this thirty years ago you are probably one of the people who does not remember the sixties. His Radio Luxembourg show broadcast to teenagers in the 1960s was named Under The Bedclothes With Jimmy Savile. Oo – er Missis.

If you did not know it twenty years ago, you could never have watched Jim’ll Fix It.

And if you did not know ten years ago then you are too young to be reading this blog.

But to help you youngsters out, Jimmy Savile was the past’s answer to Keith Lemon.

In The Future You Will Not Be Allowed To Die.

Logging onto Yahoo to check my mail today I noticed a Press Association story on the news page.


screamed the headline in that quiet, mumbling, self deprecating way Internet headlines have of screaming because they know they will never be able to match Screaming Banner Headlines of the tabloids.

On reading the story I learned The House Of Commons Environmental Protection Committee, with a title like that not a body one would expect to come up with a pzazzy headline, is concerned that Britain’s poor air quality is causing 55,000 early deaths every year.

If these self righteous idiots think air quality is bad now it just shows they have never looked at a Lowry paining or a picture of London or any of the big cities in the 1950’s. Or maybe I am misreading the whole thing and with “climate change science” discredited ( latest: sea ice loss science challenged) they are just looking for an excuse for a new tax to replace the carbon tax they were relying on to make us pay for their financial mismanagement.

When I read stories like this I’m always reminded of a story Jill, a friend of my wife, likes to tell. Jill used to live next door to a very old lady who would sometimes, in bad weather, ask for help with her daily shopping. She went to the shop about 100 yards from her house every day because it got her out of the house where she spent most of her time alone. The shopping list was always the same. Two tins of tomato soup, a small loaf, a half bottle of sweet sherry and ten cigarettes. At weekends she also bought butter.

When the woman died aged 87 it was Margaret, a nurse, who found her and called the doctor. With the death duly certified the Do. said “I told her many times to give up smoking. She might have had a few more years if she had listened to me.

Yeah, and maybe she would not have thanked anyone for those few more years.

The point these self righteous do – gooders always miss is that we all die of something, sometime. The alternative, living and ageing forever, is too horrible to contemplate. The powers that be don’t want us to drink or smoke because it might hasten our demise, they don’t want us to pollute because we will damage our hearts and lungs so no Barbies, bonfires, hot curries or things that involve industrial processes, they want to tax us off the road to stop us colliding with trees or driving off cliffs, they want us to give up tasty food because fats might clog our arteries. Risk (aka fun) must be eliminated from everything. For the sake of our own safety and longevity they want us to forswear everything that makes life worth living.

Meanwhile medical advances manage to delay death without delaying decrepitude to anything like the same extent.

So in the future when nobody is allowed to die because it will mean some civil servant has missed his target we will all have to commit mass suicide to avoid dying of boredom.

The most exciting pastime we will be allowed to take part in, at a safe distance of course, is Trainspotting.

Choose life.

Pollution Causing Early Deaths

Tonguing Willie

What a headline!!! Worth 3 exclamation marks. Well every now and them we Boggart Bloggers like to show up the Tabloid headline writers for the rank amateurs they really are.

So as this story is not going to concern hot celebrity head action what is it about? you might well ask.

We hear on the rumourmill that raunchyish chick lit writer Kathy Lette (50) was booked to give out polos at a horsey event, sorry, I mean give out prizes at a polo match.

Because certain young Royals were taking part feminist Ms Lette was given advice on what would constitute appropriate behaviour. Not much point giving an Australiam advice on good manners some less kind than us may be thinking, but there we go.

Sure enough, the Princling won man of the match or divot of the day (a divot is a posh clod BTW.) Surprise surprise.

As Prince William stepped up to receive the prize Lette, little Aussie minx that she is, said “I’m told I have to kiss you, d’you want the tongue?”

“Later maybe,” the Prince shot back. Which proves he isn’t writing his own scripts these days.

An Inspirational Old Queen
Ascot Follies
The Queen’s Birthday

More humour every day at Boggart Blog
And to make up for the disappointment of a sexy headline with a daft story and as it is almost halloween why not look in at our fiction site and enjoy some supernatural erotica, Season Of The Witch a story that has the alternate title Lesbian Witches Go Mad In Lancashire

Lies, Damned Lies and Government Statistics.

This defunct and bankrupt government has attempted to brainwash us with bogus statistics that appeared to back claims about the crime rate is falling. Aided and abetted by Blair / Brown’s chief nannying Czar Polly Toynbee the government have peddled report after report showing that crime rates are falling and fears about the police losing control of the streets and us all being at risk from knife crime are fantasies fuelled by tabloid hysteria, the government are hoist by their own petard.

Figures released by the Home Office no less show that fatal stabbings are at a thirty year high. And that excludes any stabbings committed by under sixteens of course because everybody knows children under sixteen are incapable of committing crimes.

you can comfort yourselves however by remembering the immortal words of Vic Reeves. 97% of all statistics are made up on the spur of the moment.

More humour every day on Boggart Blog

Not My Kind Of Freedom Much hot air is blown about Liberty but while the politically correct left argue for a kind of freedom that let’s us think and act for ouselves so long as we are “on message” this is, is it not, just a hypocritical kind of fascism.