Those Who Can’t Do, Teach. Those Who Can’t Teach Join The Union

Government proposals for rigorous grammar tests on eleven year olds are an attack on teachers a taeching union has said.

Sticking closely to the agreed policy of public sector unions which states that it is a human rights violation to ask any public sector employee to get some effing work done, The NASUWT (National Association Of Shitheads, Under – achievers, Wankers and Tosspots obviously thinks that asking todays teachers to do the job they are paid for, i.e. teach children basic stuff, is well out of order.

A teaching union has condemned plans that will see all 11 year-olds tested on the proper use of apostrophes and the difference between nouns, verbs and adjectives, saying the proposals amount to an attack on teachers.

Chris Keates, the General Secretary of the NASUWT, the largest teachers’ union, said the plans were part of an “entirely unjustifiable campaign to denigrate the commitment and professionalism of teachers”.

“Imposing a wholly unnecessary additional high-stress test on schools has nothing to do with ensuring that teachers can support all pupils to reach their full potential as writers,”

Writers? So providing we do not teach them to read, spell or put full stops and commas in the right places these untutored illiterates will all turn into little Shakespeares?

Obviously the NASUWT approach to teaching children their native language is to take a million pupils, sit them in front of a million computers and wait for them to produce the Complete Works.

Maybe what is needed to sort education out is for somebody to attack NASUWT members … with baseball bats.

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Teachers To Strike Over Pay And Pensions?

Teaching unions are threatening strike action, members are unhappy not just at pay and pnsions changes but about government plans that will make it easier to sack crap teachers.

Christine Blower, head of a techers’ union said, “The problem with the changes the government is bringing in is that the whole tone of it about catching teachers on a bad day not doing their best whereas what we ought to be doing it having the sort of system where we say we have invested educating and training this person and no matter how crap they are, we should give them a job for life.”

Well catching most teachers on a bad day at school should be like shooting fish in a barrel.

The teaching unions are unhappy with a number of the Coalition’s proposals on education and are threatening to strike this year.

As well as the issue of abolishing the concept of incompetence, the NUT are planning to bring forward two priority motions – one on pay and another on pensions – that are likely to lead to strike action in the autumn term.

Boggart Blog is to some extent with the teachers on the question of sacking. We think techers should be paid according to an independent test of quality on the product they are turning out. An example of the test is that school leavers should be shown a diagram of a naked human body, rear view, and asked to identify the arse and the elbow.

We have a strong feeling teachers paid on their results would end up owing us taxpayersmoney.

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Gordon’s Bright Ideas No. 5,137

Isn’t it wonderful how Gordon the Terrible can keep coming up with these bright ideas to save, well, everybody and everything?

Today he announces fast track teacher training to encourage and enable those former city high flyers to enter education, teaching the pupils in their specialist subjects of “How to grab as much money as you can while the going is good and don’t give a flying fuck about the people you are shafting”,
and
“Where to put your ill gotten gains to avoid paying tax on them” and
“How to screw up completely but still keep your bonus in tact and earn yourself a multi million pound pay off to go quietly”.

Gordon wants these failed financiers to be able to teach within 6 months, with the possibility of headships in four years, which is, incidentally, the amount of time it takes just a mere mortal who has always wanted to teach to gain a B.ED.

Well Labour have been trying to cock up the education system for years, this move looks like they could finally achieve their goal.

I should think that Gordo’s plans are not only for failed fat cats, presumably there wil be places for former MPs and an instant headship in the near future fo a certain ex PM

UPDATED 11 Mar 2009:
As Americans wake up to the fact that two years experience as a community organiser does not equip someone to run a major nation and their much hyped President is incompetent and out of his depth and poses A Crisis Of Competence, the scariest thing for us here is that all Gordon Brown can think of to deal with the crisis is to echo every stupid, ill thought out plan Obama announces.

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A Tale Told By An Idiot

New University, Old Brains.

University lecturers are in one of those professions hat does not enforce retirement at sixty – five. In many ways this is a good thing, if the official state retirement age was imposed there would be nobody teaching history at a higher education level. So while a flexible retirement age can be a good thing we think York University is pushing things a bit beyond the limit.

A 2000 year old brain was recently discovered on the York campus during preliminary excavations for a new extension to the University.

Age is no bar to intellectual brilliance and there are many examples of people whose intellect only flowers as their physical prowess begin to wane. In this context the name Bruce Forsyth does not sping to mind.

People like David Attenborough, Germaine Greer, Joan bakewell, Alan bennett and Sir Gandalf McKellen all demonstrate there is plenty of life in the over sixty fives so we must resits ageism as we resist other isms when we consider the future of the 2000 year old brain.

It will not be possible to resume teaching duties without undergoing some retraining of course, a lot has happened in the past 2000 years. Once the brain is up to speed on the Roman era, Christianity, the dark ages, the renaissance, the industrial revolution and klingon studies it will then be placed on a sphere filled with biotic fluid, like Davros in Doctor Who, and with the aid of one of those Stephen hawking voice synth widgets it will be able to return to giving lectures and tutorials.

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