Call me an evil bastard if you like possums, but boiled frog therapy made me laugh

Favourite news story today concerned an elderly woman was left floating in an isolation tank with her headphones in as fire engulfed a holistic health centre and other clients jumped out of the window, a court heard.

As the fire alarms sounded and staff ran from the burning building Erlinda Chin, 70, lay oblivious until it went dark and she realised she could smell smoke. It just reminded me of that thing about putting a frog in a pan of water and warming it slowly.

By the Mrs Chin hopped out of the tank the fire had trapped her on the top floor and was forced to wait “shaking and disorientated” until she was rescued by the emergency services. Read all

The moral of this story is keep away from isolation tanks. In fact keep away from all new age therapies.

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The riots and the retribution

The rioting and looting this week is an inevitable consequence of allowing the justice system to be hijacked bty the Politically Correct Thought Police and their penchant for excusing all perps by claiming they committed criminal acts because they are victims of society.

Victims of society they may be but they still need a good slapping to keep them in line.

So I was mildly encouraged yeaterday when Dve came out with a good line. “If these people are old enough to commit the crimes they are old enough to face the punishment.”

Good line, I though before it sank it that it was just a political line. Cameron has shown he is right with the Politically Correct thinking of the ‘concensus’ so when he talks of facting the punishment he probably means two weeks on an Intensive Individual Therapy Programme (aka a two week adventure holiday.)

Boggart Blog Hires A Sex Therapist

The ever expanding Boggart Network News Corporation has suggested we expand Boggart Blog’s coverage of lifestyle, health and wellbeing issues. In line with this we are pleased to announce we have secured the services of Sex Therapist Dr. Pamela Steffington – Donnelly who will be fielding questions from our readers about sex and relationship problems. Over to Dr. Pam.

Hello Boggart Blog Readers. As this is a new feature we have no readers questions yet so I would like to start us off with a problem I am asked to deal with many times each month. What is the best was to but the zing back in a relationship that has gone stale.

On of the things I always suggest to liven up a relationship that has lost its sparkle is that the couple try a bit of role playing therapy. Pretending to be someone else, someone ore romantic, more exciting often ignites desire and stimulates imagination. For example:

If the man pretends to be Sting and the woman Trudi Styler they can practice tantric sex and fuck each other all night.

If the woman pretends to be Pamela Anderson and the man Tommy Lee, they can take cocaine and fuck each other seven times a night.

And if the woman pretends to be Katie Price and the man pretends to be Peter Andre they can fuck off.

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Me Ears Are Alight

’Fraid its nothing to do with that famous misheard lyric. Last weekend me ears really were alight – ish.

Ears Alight

My daughter is newly qualified in ear torching, or Hopi ear candle therapy, which is the proper name and sounds much less like something the Kray twins might have enjoyed doing. So having been irritated by tinnitus for some time I was eager to present myself as a sacrificial victim on whom she could hone her skills.

The process is simple and relaxing and the theory that the burning of the flame sets up a low level vacuum in the passages of the inner ear which lifts out obstructions is fully borne out. When we examined my ear candles to see what we had caught we found all kinds of shite, wax, grit, cake crumbs, small denomination coins, paper clips, pens, CDs, half eaten Ginsters pasties, a Sinclair C5, mattresses and televisions and that lawn mower we thought the pikeys had stolen out of the garden.

And afterwards no tinnitus. The rushing, hissing sound – more like someone pissing in my ear than athedral Bells – had gone.

Now I have been rather unkind about some “new age” therapies in the past (or more correctly I have been unkind about the oddballs who promote them) but Hopi ear candles are great. If you suffer from reduced hearing, buzzing or ringing in the ears, earache (other than the kind caused by other people) or excessive earwax GET YOUR EARS SET ALIGHT.

BTW next she is going to learn how to remove warts with an angle grinder.

They Didn’t Think It Through

All of these are legitimate companies dealing in regular products and
services, but they didn’t think their domain names through. Some of them are
prime candidates for the “What was I thinking?” award….ALL these websites
actually exist, selling something totally benign (and work-safe, in case
you’re wondering).

1. A site called ‘Who Represents’ where you can find the name of the agent
that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is:
whorepresents

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can Exchange advice
and views at:
expertsexchange

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at:
penisland

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
therapistfinder

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company at:
powergenitalia

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales:
molestationnursery

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always:
ipanywhere

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is:
cummingfirst

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and Their whacky
website:
speedofart

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:
gotahoe