Tom Cruise Wins Highest Honour of scientology

Boggart Blog’s long running campaign to bring to the attention of the public the leading role played by Hollywood Micro-megastar Tom Cruise (4’6”) in the sinister Church of Scientology cult is finally vindicated. Month’s ago we sent our undercover invisible investigative reporter Soft Mick to obtain evidence. Now we are frequently disappointed with the outcome of Mick’s assignments as he always gets the information but instead of bringing it back to the office to give us an exclusive but being a creature composed of electromagnetic echoes he gets caught up in an electrical storm or collides with a radio transmitter and the information is broadcast throughout the global communications networks. This time the story landed of You Tube. Still, if we employed humans, not only would they be at a disadvantage against the Thetans, the alien superbeings Scientologists believe themselves to be human manifestations of, they would also be prone to being lured into pubs. This is what happened to the BBC (Boggart Blog Cub) reporter last time we sent him on an assignment.
But enough of my complaining about the problems a blog editor has managing supernatural and human staff, back to the story.
The video footage that appeared on You Tube showed a filmed interview intended only for release to neophyte Scientologists in which Tom talks about the Freedom Medal of Valour, Scientology’s top award, which looks uncannily like one of those super hero medallions kids used to get free with chewing gum. Only eighty Scientologists have been awarded the medal which perhaps indicates a shortage of chewing gum. Strangely the recipients are mostly high profile celebrities from the world of sport, television or showbiz.
A spokesthetan for the Church of Scientology explained, “ The medal is awarded because Cruises’ humanitarian work reached a larger global population. Skipping over the obvious question “Which larger globe are we talking about?” we have to say that Scientologists are rather fetishistic about medals and awards. This all seems to stem from their founder L. Ron Hubbard feeling miffed because he did not get as many medals as he thought he should for service in the U.S. Military in WW2.
The puppyish excitement (how gay is that?) Cruise showed when speaking of his award reminded us of Muttley’s behaviour when given a medal by Dick Dastardly in that cartoon spin off from Whacky Races, Stop The Pigeon or something.
We must not forget however, as well as being a leading Scientologist Tom Cruise is still one of the most highly paid stars in the movies. Or was…
We hear his next film project is Mission Impossible 22 – Rescue Your Career

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You Couldn’t Make It Up # 3791: Scientology.

Note from Boggart Blog’s Chief Ectoplasmic Officer Jenny Greenteeth: Sometimes a story comes in that are just so made for Ian’s style of insane ramblings we can do nothing but let him loose – JG.

We heard the news through one of the nuttier radio stations Mrs. Thorpe tunes into that Tom Cruise is threatening to sue Andrew Morton, an author who specialises is unofficial biographies of the loonier fringe of the celebrity world.
Superstar Scientologist Tom Cruise (4’6”) is considering suing the writer and his publishers over allegations that the child Cruise claims he fathered on second wife Kelly (6’4”) is not their natural child but in fact was conceived from the frozen sperm of failed sci-fi writer L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the evil mind control cult of Scientology.
Regular readers may remember from earlier Boggart Blog posts concerning the evil cult of Scientology that followers are required to believe L. Ron Hubbard was in psychic contact with Lord Xena the Warrior Princes or something like that, evil overlord of the Thetans a race of alien superbeings who, having been thrown out of the Intergalactic Federation for interbreeding with primitive lifeforms, came to Earth and waited sisty million or so years until humans evolved so they could get jiggy with cavewomen (Genesis 6:1.)
Now the people who feel called to join the scientology cult and get in touch with their inner Thetan can be admitted to the secrets of the inner sanctum of scientology by completing a rigorous training course which involves paying the cult $350,000. Once admitted to the higher echelons, scientologists learn how they can live forever and are granted super powers like comic book heroes.
The Church of Scientology is very hot on controlling the reproductive processes of its members. Nicole Kidman (7’6”) the first wife of midget megastar Cruise became pregnant twice during their marriage but neither pregnancy went to full term. There have been rumours that the Thetans intervened and aborted the pregnancies because Kidman a down to earth Australian was not deemed nutty enough to be mother to a half alien baby.
Cruise’s lawyers deny all of this saying the allegations are too ludicrous to be taken seriously and the actor has not yet made up his mind whether to sue.

We do not suppose their is any chance of Cruise and the missis taking little Sumi on the Jerry Springer show for a DNA test.

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Scream and Scream again

Recent reports that the baby of Tom Cruise (4’9″) and his girlfriend whose name temporarily escapes me would be born in silence as TC’s scientologist faith disapproves of mothers to be screaming as it can give the baby “engrams” which might sound like something a Kenneth Williams character in a Carry On film might be suffering from when approached by Hattie Jaques but is actually one of the drawbacks to having been dropped off on Earth to kick start civilisation by the Thetans.

Yes people do believe this stuff folks.