Shy Tories

by Ian

Once a nerd always a nerd, it is said and while I strenuously deny any similarity with Bill Gates, those weirdos who founded Google and Prof. Brian Cox, I did work in Information Technology for many years and sometimes I like to do a bit of programming for fun. On thing that always amuses me is recrunching the numbers from political polling to try and get a picture of what’s really going on.

And I can tell you the big factor in the outcome of this week’s UK general election is not Brexit, poverty, immigration or tax dodging billionaires. It is shy Tories.

Now OK I know you all think Tories are arrogant, braying posh boys with plangent voices, but polls show most Tory voters do not like to talk about their procilivities. It’s sad really that people feel ashamed of their choices, after all we live in a democracy and you should be able to support who you like without fear or shame.

But the situation is not as bad as in the USA where the most important demographic in the 2020 election will be the shy trumpers, people who are ashamed to admit they are trumpers. It was these people who swung the 2016 election against Hillary Clinton and who will decide the 2020 election.

When you think about this, it’s no wonder so many Americans look like hot air balloons if they’ve been holding in all that flatus since 2016

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How Should Nick Clegg Rebrand The Lib Dems

How would you rebrand the Lib Dems? asked a headline on The Gusardian website. Nick Clegg, it seems, has brought in the rebranding advisers to boost his party’s image. read full story

So what could Nick Clegg reband his party as to help them recover from prostituting themselves to the Tories?

Ever eager to offer free advice the Boggart Blog team gave this a lot of thought then came up with ………………………………………………….. NEW LABOUR!

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Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit”—

P J O’Rourke

And what better time to remind ourselves of that than as we recall the Lib Dem shambles last week, watch with morbid fascination the antics of Labour and like the crowd at a Roman Circus look forward to the Tories tearing each other to shreds next week.

A move to oust Cammers is a very long shot for this year, but next time …

Credit Where It’s Due, Cameron Deserves A Pat On The Back

Now this blog, though we are often accused of being bitter and twisted little misanthropic boggarts has always believed in giving credit where it is due. We also believe pigs might one day fly and The Soup Dragon will take care of us all when the politicians have bankrupted the country.

It has also been said we have an anti – Labour bias. This is not true, Boggart Blog has always been eager to have a go at Lord Snooty And His Pals. The fact is Labour being the party in power are easier targts.

Today however we must give a well deserved pat on the back to Conservative Leader Dave (Mr. Shine) Cameron. Speaking at an election campaign press conference yesterday he revealed a hitherto unsuspected level of insight and perception.

“We have the momentum behind us,” he told his audience.

You certainly do Dave. Six months ago the Tories were polling around 45%, at the beginning of March it was down to about 38 – 40% and now they are registeing 32-33% in the polls. The momentum is truy behind you Dave and falling further back all the time.

Well spotted there Posh Boy.

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Phil Spector To Join Brown’s Media Team?

Hot on the heels of Damien McBride’s departure from the government public relations role he has fulfilled for some time Boggart Blog, thanks to our mole embedded in the government, can bring you news of a surprising and audacious move to replace McBride and his discredited sidekick Dolly Draper.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown is expected to announce in the next few days that American record producer, convicted murderer and veteran mentalist Phil Spector will take over the job of head of Communications for Downing Street.

Brown, whose reputation is in tatters following the revelation that his press team were making up scandals about leading Tories. “Cameron has clap” and “George Osborne” is a shirt lifter were two of the stories they planned to leak. What is really damaging for the government is they are so out of touch with reality they think they have to make up stories to discredit leading conservatives.

Where the NuLab media team really failed though is in admitting what they were up to and started blaming each other when uberblogger Guido Fawkes broke the allegations of jiggery pokery. In politics it is traditional when faced with accusations that they are telling tales about opponents embarrassing diseases or financial misdemeanours parties close ranks and meet the criticism with a wall of silence.

It is this failure that is though to have influenced the Prime Minister to invite Phil Spector to take the job on. Spector is most famous for shooting people or pointing loaded guns at their head but is also well known for creating the “Wall Of Sound.” The reason is if the government ramps up the volume of briefings on initiatives, crackdowns, schemes to save the world and justifications for assaults on our civil liberties all backed with oversized rhythm sections, saxophones and strings everyone will just start treating bad news as background music and the likes of your Boggart Bloggers and the estimable Mr. Fawkes will be left blogging in a void.

Perception is everything but deception is more.

More houmour every day at Boggart Blog

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THE DAILY STIRRER

Latest archive selection now online: Boggart Blog Select vol 5

and don’t forget all the other Greenteeth Multi Media pages…
Greenteeth Multi Media
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Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot

With Friends Like Blair

Gordon Brown, according to the popular consensus, is up shit creek without a paddle.
In the London mayoral election his party could suffer the embarrassment of being beaten by Tory buffoon Boris Johnson while in the local council elections the Tories will do well in the suburbs, the Lib Dems will do well in rural areas but worse, Labour could see its traditional hardcore vote crumble in the “they’d-vote-for-a-dog-turd-if-you-stuck-a-Labour-rosette-on-it” industrial heartland’s of the North and Midlands.
At such times a man needs to know he has friends he can rely on.
Gordie ought to be able to rely on the loyalty of former best mate Tony Blair, after all Blair did promise undying loyalty to his successor. But Tone has a new best mate now, Lord Levy, a man so sycophantic it is rumoured he does not fart without getting approval from the former P.M.
So we must ask is it any coincidence Lord Levy has published his memoirs which contain some damning revelations about Blair’s true opinion of Gordon (Gordon is a moron) a week before these crucial elections take place.
Blair has categorically denied ever calling Brown “a liar” or saying Labour could not possibly win the next election under Gordie’s leadership.
Can we believe Blair?
Well if we did it would require that Lord Levy had developed the ability to think for himself. And that is just stretching our credulity too far.

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Hug A Hoodie or Charver a Chav?

If radio phone – ins are anything to go by, social workers and other liberally inclined types are ecstatic about David Cameron’s exhortation to us all to hug a hoodied, in other words to show some love and compassion to those scowling little oiks who perfer to hide their indentities under the voluminous hoods of their ill fitting sweatshirts when planning or perpetrating malfeasance.
But before we, in our desperation to be rid of New Labour and all its hypocrisies, get carried away with this commitment to “caring conservatism,” let us not forget that Cameron is an Old Etonian.
And we all know what happens to junior boys at Eton.

So should we not demand that the last custodian of civilised values in the Parliamentary system, Dennis Skinner, be demanding to know what exactly the Tories intentions are towards these unfortunate adolescents with whom they are recommending an unsavoury level of physical contact.

From the Polari Dictionary:
Charver, vb. inf.; to express affection phyically, usually with considerable enthusiasm. See also: rodger, screw, boff, bang, shaft, bonk.