A good day to bury Huffinton Post

Yesterday (or was it the day before) the US website Huffington Post launched it’s UK edition amid much fanfare, ballyhoo and popping of champagme corks that was supposed to get it blanket coverage in the press and on TV and radio news.

Huffington Post is the future of news in the new media, some arse declared when the UK venture was announced.

Did you notice any mention at all of this ‘media event of the century’?

I think not. But I’d be willing to bet you heard plenty about the News of the World hacking case, who was going to get fired from The Apprentice (goodbye Medoly – only borderline eye candy but ruthless enough to be interesting) and the new Harry Potter film.

Old media is not finished yet, it seems.

Apprentices (comic verse)

Stupid Idea Of The Week: The Child Illusion.

Boggart Blog like to give out awards. People think we are bad tempered, curmudgeonluy piss takers who can see no good in anything but they could not be more wrong. We always like to give credit where its due. An example of this is our Stupid Criminal Of The Week Award which we have not been able to award for several weeks because no criminals stupid enough have come to our attention.

No worries, we are delighted to announce the inaugural Boggart Blog Most Gobsmakingly Stupid Idea Of The Week Award. The first award in this series goes to the municipal traffic engineers in Vancouver B.C. for this:

Drivers near 22nd street in West Vancouver will be confronted with what seems like a young girl running after a ball in front of their vehicle. In reality, it’s a decal on the pavement that looks like a real person. Signage near the 3D image reads “You’re probably not expecting kids to run out on the road.”

No. And we’re not expecting stupid cunts to trick us into thinking a kid has run out into the road either.

OK so this trick is great the first day, it causes many multiple pile ups as drivers brake hard to avoid the child. There is blood, there are deaths and serious injuries. Then word spreads through group e-mails, blogs, tweets, local TV and Radio news etc.

Next day everyone knows its an optical illusion and drives past without slowing down.

And they next time a kid runs into the road in front of one of those drivers they think, “Oh, it only one of those stupid optical illusion things” and splat.

Municipal authority of Vancouver you we give you this golden fuckwit statuette for your self importance, stupidity and total lack of the ability to think things through.

Last Of The Summer Whine

The zombie of British television will finally be decapitated and laid to rest this weekend, thirty years after the show was pronounced dead by everybody under ninety. The final episode of this ‘national institution’ will be shown sometime over the weekend but I don’t know when and don’t much care.

My dear old Mum will probably dab a tear from her eye as the final credits roll for the final time, she and a few dozen other loyal fans from her generation still watch apparently. it is a sort of act of faith for them I suppose, like going to church on Sunday was for their parents.
It would have been cruel to take the show from them, they have few pleasures left, those who can remember what pleasures are that is. They can no longer reminisce about what a great time they had in the war having forgotten what both a war and a great time are.

The only reason I am aware of this momentous event is because while I was nibbling my croissant and sipping my apple and mango juice this morning Breakfast TV ran a feature on the show. There were clips of long dead actors sliding down Pennine slopes in old fashioned enamel baths or paragliding from a pair of Nora Batty’s big knickers. There were many examples of antique canned laughter. Then came the highlight, a reporter and crew visited the Last Of The Summer Wine museum where the permanent exhibition offers ordinary punters like you and me (well, like you maybe) the chance to fondle Nora Batty’s wrinkled stockings. Alas the lovely Nora (played by Kathy Staff) is no longer filling them having gone to that great sitcom in the sky to join most other members of the original cast.

There they can trade one liners eternally with Sergeant Bilko, Lucy, Mrs. Slocome’s pussy, Terry and June, Captain Mainwaring’s barmy army and Robert Lindsay’s effing family as the dead and those still dying every week strive to fill the abyss that opened up between the number hours that need to be filled on a hundred unwatched channels and the amount of money and creative talent available to fill them.

For me the saddest thing of all about this morning’s tribute was the interview with a guy billed as “Last Of The Summer Wine expert. This poor fuck has devoted a considerable portion of his life to becoming the world’s greatest authority on a tired old TV show.

“Fuck me,” I thought, “well at least they are not offering Last Of The Summer Wine studies as a degree course yet”.

But I could be wrong, after all Durham University which is perhaps not the august centre of scholarship it once was, now offers a degree course in Harry Potter studies.

There really is something very very wrong in our post industrial society.

Simon Cowell Secret Revealed

Boggart Blog has not been following The X Factor this time round because, well let’s be honest, we have done all the cheap jokes in the past. Also the biggest X Factor joke this year is Jedward and nobody could possibly top that.

In consequence we have been missing out on the most searched keywords of the moment on UK search engines and our traffic has suffered. We had to get an X Factor post in but what could we write?

Fortunately lovely former pop poppet Sinitta, ex – girlfriends of Simon and now an X Factor insider came to our rescue this morning. She was on television this morning, all teeth and tits and showbusiness bonhomie, talking about the Jedward situation. Forget Afghanistan, climate change, the British money that is sining into the sand of Dubai and all those other trivial issues, breakfast TV knows what the priorities are. The presenter asked what the job was with self proclaimed pop svengali Simon Cowell, after saying every week for yonks the Jedward boys were his worst nightmare he passed up his chance to give them the boot and put the final choice to the public vote.

He knew when he did that the loser on telephone votes would be pretty, talented Lucie.

Oh no he didn’t.

Oh yes he did…

It has become a pantomime.

And poor Sinitta backstage must have been thinking “Six shows from the end of the series and no sign of dick.” Someone should tell her Mr Cowell is never going to get back with her.

Perhaps she realises this because as the interviewers pressed on about Simon letting zero talents stay in the show and eliminating much better performers she said, “You have to understand Simon is a fifty – two year old man who loves Frank Sinatra.

FIFTY EFFING TWO I thought. Not so long ago the gutter press was full of stories about the party he was throwing to mark his fiftieth birthday. Ha! It was a better indiscretion than when Sharon Osbourne let slip that Simon wears personality lifts.

I bet his hair is dyed too.

Now we Boggart Bloggers have been accused of petty vindictiveness over the obvious delight we take in outing the rich and famous. “You lie about your age Ian and you dye your hair,” commenters will say with more relish than is really necessary. OK, I say I’m 39 but only in fun, if anyone asks I always admit I’m really 49. And Grecian 2000 isn’t hair dye, it restores the natural colour like it says on the bottle. In fact it is so good if you spill a bit it restores your natural hair colour to your shirt as well. The chemist who came up with the formula was a genius.

So we are not motivated by vindictiveness in outing Simon Cowell for fibbing about his age. We do however enjoy to an unhealthy degree reminding the world that the great pop svengali was responsible for the carers of Mr. Blobby and Robson & Jerome.

If that is not enough to vindicate us there is the question of Simon loving Frank Sinatra. What’s all that about eh? Andy Williams and Dean Martin were always better singers, Sinatra often went a tad flat. It’s safe for me to say that now, I don’t own any horses these days.

Told by An Idiot: Dubai and Hubris

The eXtacy factor

Well Professor Nutt certainly kicked things off with his claim that drugs like E, Cannabis and LSD are no more dangerous that alcohol and tobacco. While we agree with the Prof, you must bear in mind we Boggart Bloggers have known more people who died of booze and smoking related problems than trendier drugs.

Having said that one cannot help feeling that by running to the sensationalist tabloids with his findings Prof. Nutt was playing the celebrity game and trying to get himself on tele before government ministers stymied the findings of his reasearch.

What next? A TV show called Britain’s Got Science?

The Divine Right Of Kings And The Divine Right Of Scientists.
Cheaper Drugs Now

Ali Bongo’s Cartoon Country

Do you remember Ali Bongo’s Cartoon Carnival on teevision? I do, I used to watch it with my kids if I was not working.

Ever wondered what happened to it’s presenter the cod magician Ali Bongo? I must confess I thought he was dead, maybe I’m thinking of a different Ali Bongo.

Well he has just been elected President of the small West African nation of Gabon for a seond term. I guess that will keep him off out TV screens for a while longer.

Boggart Blog will keep readers updated on Paul Daniel’s bid for the leadership of UKIP.

More humour every day at Boggart Blog

Obama’s "High" Old Time on T.V (thanks for this to Texas Darlin’ blog)

At Boggart Blog we often report the crazy things people say or do when they are drunk or stoned. The question busying giddy minds in America this week is: Had Barack Obama been at the old herbal mixture when he appeared on the 60 Minutes television news magazine? Check out the video embedded in Obama’s 60 Minute “High” on Texas Darlin’ blog and make your own mind up. Those of us who have indulged will recognise the symptoms I think.

I don’t want to influence your judgement but I think if someone had handed the President a Mars Bar we all know what he would have done with it.

Is the pressure getting too much for him already? And do we really want a stoner to be the man with his finger on the nuclear button?

More humour every day from Boggart Blog

Greenteth Multi Media
Greenteeth Comedy Pages
A Tale Told By An Idiot

Britney Back On Top, Obama nowhere.

Should Britney Spears and not Barak Obama be U.S. President – elect?

After all that hype and hysteria about the deification by public acclaim of the dimwitted (his lips move when he thinks) junior senator, after all those ludicrous internet polls showing that if we in Britain had had a vote in the Presidential election 275% of us would have voted for Obama, after a million squillion sychophanic meeja commentators have told us that the world is changed forever now Obama is President (he’s not actually, infact he is not even President-elect until Dec. 15) because he can turn water into Stella Artois, feed the starving millions (and fatsally’s cats) with a tin of sardines and five barm cakes and solve the economic crisis with hope’n’change, at last sanity is returning.

Figures revealed by UK end of the internet search company Yahoo today show that the top search term for the UK so far in 2008 is Britney Spears. Second was reality TV show Big Brother and third came talent show for the talentless The X Factor.

The whole US election only made seventh on the list and you can bet searches for Sarah Palin Mooseburger Recipe were responsible for pushing it so high.

So much for The Obamessiah. Some evangelical Democrat blogger last week suggested we British are “mad about
Obama.” Mad, we’re effin’ furious. The sight of that stupid, grinning face makes most of us want to punch him. Hard.

So in spite of all the talk of hope’n’cchange, after all the brainwashing and the passing round of free kool aid, nothing much has changed.

Nothing much ever does.

Huffington Post – The Meltdown Will Be Blogged

New humour every day at Boggart Blog

Knock Me down With a Gameboy

Well, who would have thought it? Scientists from John Moore’s Nursery… er sorry University, have found that playing computer games does not use up as much energy as taking part in sport!!!!
The in depth study, where teenagers were wired up to monitors in a laboratory, found that sitting on the sofa playing computer games used less energy than active games using a Wii set, yet surprisingly neither activity used up as much energy as running about outside.
Well, chuff me, as they say in Barnsley, the next thing you know they’ll be telling us that eating too much makes you fat, drinking too much alcohol can impair your cognitive abilities temporarily, day follows night and the Earth goes round the sun.

Boggartblog is currently filing it’s application for a research grant to find out if the Earth is flat.

New Toilet Computer Game Will Really Piss People Off
Before Big Bang
Before Big
Bang – part 2

Other Blogs
Tory Candidate Meets Naked Man Meeting a naked man on the doorstep left a Tory canvasser in Glasgow red in the face.

Bush Administration Attempts To Undermine Women’s Rights The issue of Abortion and contraception was always going to be raised in the US election. An interesting resume of the war on women’s sexuality is available from A Short History Of Abortion And Contraception

The American election is becoming a humourless affair, Obama has had a sense of humour bypass and his campaign cries “racist” every time someone makes a crack about him, butJohn McCain is The Joker as is shown in this video clip of a TV continuity goof.

Andrew Looks For A Nancy

I have not been going on very well for a while now so the new Andrew Lloyd Webber TV showbiz talent thing has only dawned on me gradullay.

In the same way he found his Maria for The Sound of Music and his Joseph for Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat Lord Andy L-W is now getting a lot of pre publicity for a new production of Oliver by holding a televised elimination contest to find a Nancy for the production.

But with Graham Norton and John Barrowman involved in the TV series aren’t there already more than enough Nancys?