Boggart Blog has not been following The X Factor this time round because, well lets be honest, we have done all the cheap jokes in the past. Also the biggest X Factor joke this year is Jedward and nobody could possibly top that.
In consequence we have been missing out on the most searched keywords of the moment on UK search engines and our traffic has suffered. We had to get an X Factor post in but what could we write?
Fortunately lovely former pop poppet Sinitta, ex girlfriends of Simon and now an X Factor insider came to our rescue this morning. She was on television this morning, all teeth and tits and showbusiness bonhomie, talking about the Jedward situation. Forget Afghanistan, climate change, the British money that is sining into the sand of Dubai and all those other trivial issues, breakfast TV knows what the priorities are. The presenter asked what the job was with self proclaimed pop svengali Simon Cowell, after saying every week for yonks the Jedward boys were his worst nightmare he passed up his chance to give them the boot and put the final choice to the public vote.
He knew when he did that the loser on telephone votes would be pretty, talented Lucie.
Oh no he didnt.
Oh yes he did…
It has become a pantomime.
And poor Sinitta backstage must have been thinking Six shows from the end of the series and no sign of dick. Someone should tell her Mr Cowell is never going to get back with her.
Perhaps she realises this because as the interviewers pressed on about Simon letting zero talents stay in the show and eliminating much better performers she said, You have to understand Simon is a fifty two year old man who loves Frank Sinatra.
FIFTY EFFING TWO I thought. Not so long ago the gutter press was full of stories about the party he was throwing to mark his fiftieth birthday. Ha! It was a better indiscretion than when Sharon Osbourne let slip that Simon wears personality lifts.
I bet his hair is dyed too.
Now we Boggart Bloggers have been accused of petty vindictiveness over the obvious delight we take in outing the rich and famous. You lie about your age Ian and you dye your hair, commenters will say with more relish than is really necessary. OK, I say Im 39 but only in fun, if anyone asks I always admit Im really 49. And Grecian 2000 isnt hair dye, it restores the natural colour like it says on the bottle. In fact it is so good if you spill a bit it restores your natural hair colour to your shirt as well. The chemist who came up with the formula was a genius.
So we are not motivated by vindictiveness in outing Simon Cowell for fibbing about his age. We do however enjoy to an unhealthy degree reminding the world that the great pop svengali was responsible for the carers of Mr. Blobby and Robson & Jerome.
If that is not enough to vindicate us there is the question of Simon loving Frank Sinatra. Whats all that about eh? Andy Williams and Dean Martin were always better singers, Sinatra often went a tad flat. Its safe for me to say that now, I dont own any horses these days.
Told by An Idiot: Dubai and Hubris