Fatsally has alread blogged the christmas appeal season blog now here is the Boggart Blog panto season blog delivered by Boggart Blogs resident pantomime villain Dr. Even-More-Evil-Than-His-Evil-Twin-Dr.- Evil Evil
Faced with a choice of watching an award show or a reality show on television last Saturday and Sunday night I decided instead to sit and plan the evil schemes that will lead to my goal of making Boggart Blog the organisation that controls all the broadcast and print media distributed information for the entire planet. MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA Nothing can stop Boggart Blogs march towards World Domination.
It makes no matter that I did not watch Strictly Come Watching Lettuce Go Limp or Distinctly Lacking The X Factor, I can still blog about them as Boggart Blog already controls enough of the news media we can tell you whatever we like and you have no choice but to believe us. MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAA. Please excuse me while I do something obscene with this white Persian Cat.
Do you know what theyve done on Strictly? Mrs E. demanded of me at some point over the weekend. It was a rhetorical question but even an evil mastermind would never dare not respond a rhetorical question from his wife.
I dont know, has somebody kidnapped Bruce Forsyths wig and demanded a ransom of ONE MILLION POUNDS? I asked hopefully. The dead rodent Brucie wears on his head has irritated me for too long but far more pressing matters command my attention.
It turned out someone called Ali Bastian (no relation to our music correspondent Brother Bastion unless there is something he has forgotten to tell us) had been thrown out of the competition despite having wonderful arms.
They put that Chris Hollins through and he always dances with a stupid grin on his face, complained Mrs E. as if an evil genius hellbent on world domination ought to care about such things. To be honest I have never seen any ballroom dancer who does not dance with a silly grin on their face. It is part of their job description. One day in the not too distant future however they will all dance to my tune. MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA. There will be no silly grins then.
In Distinctly Lacking The X Factor the one with some talent was obviously eliminated first. The one Simon Cowell wanted you to think he wanted to win did not win which is what Mr. Cowell really wanted. All evil pantomime villains hellbent on world domination have a PhD in Machiavellian schemeing.
The winner was the one who looked and sounded like the secret love child of Cheryl Cole and Biffa Bacon from Viz*.
The most interesting thing to emerge from the X Factor this year happened in the press jamboree after the final. Speaking candidly to journalists Simon Cowell revealed he plans to launch a political X Factor next year. Regular readers who pay attention may remember Boggart Blogs fat sally predicted some months ago that organisation of the 2010 General Election would be outsourced to Simon Cowell (Strictly General X Factor Celebrity Election)
So Cowell wants to take over the country. The X Factor Evil manipulator versus Boggart Blog’s pantomime villain Dr. Even-More-Evil-Than-His-Evil-Twin-Dr.- Evil Evil will be quite a spectacle and will keep those voter lines ringing and the cash rolling in MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA. But Cowell will not be a worthy adversary after all his greatest triumph to date was getting …… Mr Blobby …… into the pop charts. I shall enjoy crushing him and claiming Cheryl Cole as my prize. He can keep Danni Minogue, she is not as plastic as ……Mr. Blobby ……. but she ought to suffice, MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAA.
Boggart Blogs ascendancy is now so entrenched we can even manipulate our rival evil masterminds hellbent on World Domination. Resistance is futile, Boggart Blog controls your minds.
*Anyone who has heard of Viz will know who Biffa Bacon is and anybody who has not heard of Viz either does not speak English and will not be reading Boggart Blog or does not live on this planet. For the benefit of anglophone aliens then:
Biffa is Fulchester’s answer to Mike Tyson. He’s had a hard life (his parents, known as Fatha and Mutha, keep punching his face in) and he generally takes it out on everyone else (by, erm, punching their faces in). He’s not too bright and usually takes more punishment than he deals out. He’s a complete head-case of course, so it’s best to avoid spilling his pint. He can use a lager-frenzy to get ahead of his rivals in the race.
X Factor Ship Of Dead Dreams