The Kindness Of America Versus The Unkindness Of Fate

Wannabe writer Ray Dolin decided to launch his literary career by writing a book called The Kindness Of America based on his experiences as a peniless hitch hiker trying to hitch hike his way across the USA (reports don’t tell us whether he plucked his eyebrows on the way) and the acts of kindness be would surely receive from total strangers.

About half way through his coast to coast jouney Dolin was standing by US Interstate Highway 2 in Montana trying to catch a ride when a man drove up, rolled down his window, shot him and drove off, The Valley County Sheriff’s Office reports.

Mr Dolin had approached the truck thinking the driver was offering him a ride, the sheriff said.

The unfortunate hitch hiker flagged down a passer-by and was taken to a hospital with non-life threatening injuries. A nurse said on behalf of Mr. Dolin that he was not taking calls or accepting gifts, flowers, snacks or other acts of kindness from stangers.

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Just When I Thought It Was Save To Lose The ‘R’

He’s got back in the water the bastard.

For most of my life I was Ian Thorpe. The R of my middle name (It’s Raymond but I never tell anyone that) was useful for adding a flourish to my signature on cheques and was required by law on certain documents but I managed to get by without it for most things until the end of the last century.

Then the imposter appeared, an Australian whippersnapper calling himself Ian Thorpe was winning every swimming race imaginable. To save myself the hassle of reading about a hundred fan e-mails a day from people wanting autographs, pictures or tips on improving their swimming techique I had to become Ian R Thorpe. It was partly successful, I only got 50 fan e-mails a day.

I even wrote to the imposter and offered to make a web page for him so people looking for “Ian Thorpe” + swimming would not be directed to my poems and stories. The overlong, clown – footed upstart replied (very politely I have to say) that he had no interest in the internet.

I was effectively stuck up my own R.

Fortunately he got an agent after his success in the 2000 Olympics but I was still stuck with my R for the sake of the few dozen people who looked for Ian Thorpe the poet, writer and occasional stand up.

Then Ian decided to give up competitive swimming and concentrate on business. As he gradually faded into the background I had less and less mail about swimming until it struck me earlier this year I was not getting any. Time to lose the R and just be me again.

Just as I was getting near to complete eradication of the R, I hear the other one is planning a comeback for the 2012 Olympic game. Looks like I’m going to be Ian R Thorpe for a bit longer.

BASTARD.

Ich Bin Ein Speechwriter

Political journalists of left and righ heave peen paying tribute this week to Ted Sorenson who died a few days ago.

Ted who? you might well ask. Right, I’d never heard of him either the news that he died.

Apparently he was President Kennedy’s speechwriter and a highly regarded counsellor to the Kennedy administation in the U.S.A. According to an untypically hyperbolic article in The Independent, Sorenson was “the backbone of Camelot.” (Really? I thought that was the bloke who played Victor Meldrew.

The Daily Telegraph is even more hyperbolic, saying Kennedy’s election victory in 1960 was largely down to Sorenson’s ability to find exactly the right phrase to communicate each key point.

Again we’re surprised. Could they really be talking about the man who put the line “Ich bin ein Berliner” in President Kennedy’s mouth? It means “I am a doughnut” which would have been fine for one of George W. Bush’s speeches.

Tonguing Willie

What a headline!!! Worth 3 exclamation marks. Well every now and them we Boggart Bloggers like to show up the Tabloid headline writers for the rank amateurs they really are.

So as this story is not going to concern hot celebrity head action what is it about? you might well ask.

We hear on the rumourmill that raunchyish chick lit writer Kathy Lette (50) was booked to give out polos at a horsey event, sorry, I mean give out prizes at a polo match.

Because certain young Royals were taking part feminist Ms Lette was given advice on what would constitute appropriate behaviour. Not much point giving an Australiam advice on good manners some less kind than us may be thinking, but there we go.

Sure enough, the Princling won man of the match or divot of the day (a divot is a posh clod BTW.) Surprise surprise.

As Prince William stepped up to receive the prize Lette, little Aussie minx that she is, said “I’m told I have to kiss you, d’you want the tongue?”

“Later maybe,” the Prince shot back. Which proves he isn’t writing his own scripts these days.

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More humour every day at Boggart Blog
And to make up for the disappointment of a sexy headline with a daft story and as it is almost halloween why not look in at our fiction site and enjoy some supernatural erotica, Season Of The Witch a story that has the alternate title Lesbian Witches Go Mad In Lancashire

Keith Waterhouse

First today a tribute to the late Keith Waterhouse, an excellent and vastly underrated writer whose style in his novels, plays and satirical articles influenced both myself and fatsally. The with, style and constant high quality of his work ught to have gained him more recognition. Watrhouse’s regular twice weekly columns in the Daily Mirror and latterly The Daily Mail made it worth reading those newspaperspapers on the days he was published.

Now how about somebody at the BBC or ITV showing a bit of class by commissioning a four – part adaptation of Billy Liar.