NHS Trains Staff To Deal With Ebola Patients

We heard today that the NHS had designated a special Ebola traiing day during which doctors, nursing staff, paramedics and army medics are trained to deal with patients they think have Ebola.

There have been rumours of course that the first case of Ebola in the UK has been diagnosed. This has not yet been officially confirmed but people are asking “What happens next?”

Well nothing for now, but twenty eight days later …


NHS staff triaging suspected Ebola patients.

Zombie Apocalypse: Are You Already A Zombie

shaun of the dead and friend flee from zombies
Shaun of the Dead with his best mate flee Zombie Apocalypse Picture Source

Have you been zombied yet. Film and TV shows like The Walking Dead and Shaun Of The Dead aren’t quite clear on how the process of Zombiefication works. Some say it is a virus, others suggest its contagion.

Another possibility is that some kind of brainwashing is involved. And the signs are you could easily have been zombied already. If you are one of those kewl, trendy types who has to have the latest gadget, must be an early adopter of any new technology, even before old cynics like me have had chance to warn you how invasive it is, if you can’t see any reason why a sane person would not want an RFID chip implanted in their skull to interface the brain with Google’s servers because it can only be to our benefit to have one of the greediest, most avaricious and most fascistic organisations ever, spoonfeeding you your every thought, you are over half way to being a zombie.

Really RFID tags are so passe darlings and Google Goggles, the eyewear that gets Google right in your face right around the clock can’t really be considered invasive compared to the shit that’s being planned now.

Infinitesimally small cameras contained in a pill will allow you to take high definition 3-D “selfies” of your insides; electronic tattoos that authenticate your body the way a password does, robot mosquitos to inject us all against the latests pandemics imagined up by Big Pharma in their constant quest for taxpayers money (Big Pharma are like Corporate Zombies, effing useless but always hungry) the future is turning out to be creepier Blade Runner said it would be.

The world is bad enough with vast swaths of disconnected, socially incompetent people wandering through it like techno zombies, ignoring the reality, only interacting with their gadgets.

When you dine out look around the restaurant, half the tables are filled with people who aren’t giving their companions half as much attention as they are giving their gadgets. Can’t they engage with humans or are they afraid that if they piss off their smart phone or tablet it might dump them.

Its the same in the theatre or at a gig., people aren’t watching and listening to the actual show while they are there: they are recording it on their smart phone or streaming it to their mates.

But all this tech addiction pales compared to what makers claim will happen when these sad nerds the new “Android Wear” smart watch that was just announced. Check out the commercial for yourself:

It is a gross misrepresentation of course. The first thing that happens when people become addicted to technology is they stop washing and so quickly start to look and smell like movie zombies. Which means you would not see clean, shiny people getting so close. Full Transhumanism is then just a few short steps away.

Android Wear is a hugely unstylish watch-like device that runs Google Now. The commercial shows people literally talking to their wrists all day as the little smart watch feeds them information about every thing they are doing as they go about their daily lives.

Wired is calling it “Google for your Body.”

Google Now is described by the controlling nerds as an electronic “smart” personal/social assistant that, according to the Wikipedia entry on it, “uses a natural language user interface to answer questions, make recommendations, and perform actions by delegating requests to a set of web services.

I can see someone like me getting so infuriated with it that withing two minutes it would be dust. Predictive text caused me to trash a cellphone one because it never once managed to correctly predict the word I wanted to enter next. And Amazon’s wonderful algorithm has never recommended a book I wanted to read although it has recommended many I had already read.

Technology my arse. OK, if you see any technozombies, you’ve seen Shaun Of The Dead, you know what to do to them. Along with answering user-initiated queries, Google Now passively delivers information to the user that it predicts they will want, based on their search habits.” You won’t just be interacting with the Internet anymore…it will be interacting with you. Preemptively. In real time.

Read more on the latest development in Transhumanism

UPDATE: Mad Scientists More Evil Than Genius

When we get down to the nitty gritty most of the technological developments described above are pretty crappy in reality, the technological takeover has always been more hype than substance and the cliche Mad Scientists, the evil genius behind them is more evil than genius. To get a perspective on how evil we only have to compare the much hyped philanthropy of Bill Gates, the public Kumbayaism of Steve Jobs and Apple, the contempt for users displayed by Facebook’s Mark Cocksuckerberg and the evil things being done by the “Don’t Be Evil” Corpoation Google.

A good place to start is by comparing their exhortations to be good citizens and all live together in peace and lurrrrrrrvvvvvvveeeee, with their own attitude and that of their corporations to the duties on citizenship. A good example of this can be found in their tax avoidance arrangements.

RELATED POSTS:
Slaves To The Machine
They Who Would Be Gods
Robot With Feelings
Robot fuck buddy
When A Computer Controls Your Brain

Zombie Rampage In USA – The Shopping Dead

You have all been aware in some way of the fad for zombies in recent years, The Walking Dead has been one of America’s top TV shows, Danny Boyle’s films 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later helped to secure his reputation as one of the world’s best and most imaginative directors, Shaun Of The Dead is a comedy cult and remakes of schlock classics like Day Of The Dead and Dawn Of The Dead have completely undeservedly done decent box office.

Why? Because Zombies are real that’s why, they are real and they are amongst us now. OK I can already hear the scienceheads and those who insist on calling themselves skeptics (to prove they don’t know the difference between true scepticism and a boil on the arse) grizzling about conspiracy theorists, superstition and magickal thinking, but I have irrefutable proof in the form of a video of a Zombie rampage. And I have embedded it below.

Yesterday was Black Friday in the USA, in future it may be known as Friday of the Dead.

RELATED POSTS:
Washington’s Zombie Apocalypse
Real Life Zombie Attack?
Zombie Economy, Zombie Nation
Millions In Food Poverty This Thanksgiving

Washington’s Zombie Apocalypse

American ‘conspiracy theory’ blogs are at the moment full of advice on ‘prepping’, not some new sexual deviation invented by Miley Cyrus but preparing for some imminent but as yet unspecified catastrophe.

The big question in Washington this week is whether, in the words of the New York Times, we’re going to see “a legislative failure and an economic catastrophe that could ripple through financial markets, foreign capitals, corporate boardrooms, state budget offices and the bank accounts of everyday investors”. Or to put it another way, if unemployment is the American Civil War, the 2008 credit Crunch is World War One and the Sequester is World War Two, then debt default, if it happens on Friday, will be Zombie Apocalypse in America.

This comparison is relevant, not least for the politicians in Washington, who seem to have become desensitized by the constantly escalating crescendo of catastrophe to the suffering being caused by thirty years of economic and social failure. They are blasé about the negative consequences of policies aimed at keeping minorities sweet and deaf to the anguished squeals ofv the squeezed middle to borrow a phrase from Ed Miliband.

As far as the purring fat cats of the political establishment are concerned the situation could last more or less indefinitely were it not for the debt ceiling. They do not feel the hardships being suffered down in the lower levels of society but they will feel a default, fortunes will not be decimated or even centimated, they will be splatimated.

Businesses will be wiped out, the US dollar will be replaced that the reserve currency and America’s credibility will be destroyed. Congress is going to have to come up with a deal before the ceiling is reached or the zombie apocalypse will look like a childrens’ party.

Prepping for the Zombie Apocalypse or worse:

RELATED POSTS:
How Saddam Hussein May yet Win The War
Miley Cyrus MK Ultra Mindfuck
Zombie Apocalypse
Zombie Currency, Zombie Nation
Zombie Rampage In The USA

At Last Scientists Explain The Plague Of Zombies

You have probably noticed that Zombies are everywhere these days, not Zombies that play reggae music and live in Haiti, but the nasty, face gobbling Zombies that eat you in the street. From 28 Days Later to Shaun of The Dead and on to The Walking Dead, Zombie Apocalypse is everywhere.

But why?

Since the scientific apocalypse, when scientists all abandoned ethical constraints because they are such clever people they cannot be constrained by humanitarian feeling such as compassion and empathy we all have wondered what triggered this terrible zombie plague. It has been admitted that scientists have been trying to create artificial life, working on clones for spare part surgery, creating half man, half mouse chimeras (for fun) but until now the role of science in creating zombies has never been acknowledged.

But now at a press conference, Dr. Dave DeAth told asttendees,

“Yes we consider flesh eating Zombies our greatest triumph yet in the race to subjugate nature and usurp God. We’re not sure how this new strain of Zombieism came about but the scientific consensus is it had something to do with supermarket beef.” Dave told us.

The sound of jaws dropping in the conference room was deafening. Everybody turned on Dave, calling him Frankenstein, freak – doctor or fraud and demanding to be told more.

“Remember mad cow disease?” he said. “Beef billionaires told their scientists to come up with ways to reduce costs and boost profits. We were already feeding young cattle growth hormones and penicillin to cattle to fatten them up quicker, we were keeping them in tiny cages to stop them losing weight through exercise, what more could we do. A bunch of very clever people came up with the idea that feeding the animals on left over bits of other cows,the bits even Macburgers don’t want, would give them a high protein diet that would help build muscle bulk. Unfortunately cows have evolved over millions of years to eat grass and turn it into steak for humans to eat.

The cows didn’t much care for their dead cow enriched diet so the next step for the researchers was to make cows that liked steak. To do this we produced Genetically Modified Mangol Wurzels to which a human steak-is-yummy gene had been inserted.This worked well for a while although mad cow disease was an unfortunate side effect. Finally the gene that makes mad old bags outside Yates’ Wine Lodge scare innocent young men shitless by offering them a tuppeny upright round the back was making cows stagger around and fall over. It had always been assumed that a surfeit of Yates’ Sweet White did that to the mad old bags but apparently not.

As I said the high protein diet worked for a while one the mad old bag gene had been sorted out but eventually it altered the protein sequences in cattle DNA.

“People should have seen that something was up then. You can only feed cows other cows for so long,” a rather serious minded reporter from The Independent said. The young woman was immediately jumped on by security officers and dragged out screaming and protesting. She has not been seen nor heard of since.

Dave continued, “The animals humans were eating had been fattened on abbatoir waste, byproducts of the food processing industry, and genetically modified foods. It only stands to reason that if you eat enough genetically modified food, it’s eventually going to modify your genetics.

All the cutting corners on animal feed and trying to speed up evolution by genetic engineering of crops to maximize corporate profits eventually had an effect and it was thus that humanity engineered its own extinction. Evolution is not fully understood even by scientists but the valuable lesson we have learned it that things do not evolve to extinction. They evolve by becoming something else. And we have speeded up evolution so much we got ahead of ourselves. We were always supposed to evolve to immortality but science has helped us get there before we are able to do without our bodies.

For the sake of corporate profit we poisoned our own damned food supply and now it is turning us into The Walking Dead. Scientists kept waiting to see the effects of genetic engineering, but as usual they were observing the mathematical models rather than reality. They predicted changes in living people and claimed to be conquering death when the average life expectancy increased by a few days a year.

Unfortunately the mutation they hoped for did not turn out as expected, the mutation genetic engineering created remained dormant during the our natural life phase and only kicked in when putrefaction began. The unintended consequence of our experiment (and there are always unexpected consequences, that is the price we must pay for progress, only manifested after clinical death with the result that the dead wouldn’t stay dead. From a scientific point of view this is absolutely fascinating and more research is needed to enable us to reverse the decay, corruption and other undesirable side effects.”

RELATED POSTS:
Evolution: theory, fact or fiasco

The Voting Dead (series 2)

One of the bizarre features of American politics is that due to some cock – eyed interpretation of a clause in their beloved constitution people turning up to vote on election day are allowed to carry guns but are not required to carry any proof of identity.

This has led to some bizarre results over the years because a common practice that is said to have begun in Chicago in the Al Capone era involves dead people voting. Yes, forget the black and hispanic demographic, the corporate professional demographic, the over 60s demographic and the multi – gun – owning, pickup – truck – driving, Jesus loving, burger chomping demographic, it’s the zombie demographic that swings elections in America. The practice spread from the windy city and now goes on in every marginal constitution with officials at all levels of government from Senators and Congressmen down to local dog catchers and parks superintendents having to canvass the voting dead to ensure victory.

Quite the most insane election result of the November 6 election was in one of the Florida St. Lucie constituency where the election of a congressman produced a total turnout of 141% of the electorate according to some sources (most of them on Twitter it must be said).

That would mean people who last cast a living vote in a year that richard Nixon was elected had turned out to help choose their congressman. But is it unreasonable to expect that an election official might notice that a prospective voter had grey, decaying flesh, moved is a strange jerky way, stank a bit and stopped on his way to the polling booth to eat the security officer.

The Saint Lucie constituency BTW is still counting votes a week after the election.

Such political enthusiasm is only dreamed of in Britain.

RELATED POSTS:
Zombie Apocalypse

First Zombie Presidential Candidate – No Way!

I was astounded to read that the first Zombie to bid to become President of The United States launched his campaign today.

See the Zombie Party candidate on the campaign trail

Not astounded because I thought zombies were the stuff of urban myth and bad movies, but because for years I have been sure the last nine occupants of The White House have been zombies and the tenth was shot through the head which as evryone knows is the only way to terminate a zombie.

RELATED POSTS:
My Mark

Real Life Zombie Attack. Where’s Shaun Of The Dead When We Need Him?

Where’s Shaun Of The Dead When We Need Him? The Case Of The Miami Zombie could come straight out of a schlock horror movie. Or it could if it wasn’t true.

The ‘Miami Zombie’ case has gone viral on the internet, sparking a rash of reported Zombie attacks and stories about a ‘zombie apocalypse’ and real zombies.

Everyone on our planet (and probably a few others) must by now have heard about the ‘Miami Zombie Cannibal’ Rudy Eugene, eating the face of of homeless man, Ronald Poppo. Even after being shot, Eugene growled at the police officer sent to arrect him and went back to ripping Poppo’s face off! Eugene finally succumbed after taking several bullets, but did not die until he had finished eating Poppo’s entire face.

The echoes of films and television shows like Dawn Of The Dead, 28 Days Later and The Walking Dead are all too clear.

Another story broke yesterday, again in the USA. A 21-year-old student at the University of Maryland, Alexander Kinyua, ate the heart and part of the brain of his roommate, Kujoe Bonsafo Agyei-Kodie after stabbing him to death. Police and college oficials discovered more of the cannibal’s dinner deceased in different locations around the campus.

Several other stories, most much less intense than the Miami and Maryland cases, have come to light recently. In California, a man bit the nose off of his cousin. Back in Miami, a man got irate at being put into a police car and bashed his head inside the car until he was bloody and then spit the blood at the officer. That officer showed admirable restraint not shooting the guy. In New Jersey, a man named Wayne Carter stabbed himself over 50 times, yanked off pieces of his intestines and threw them at police!

So what is behind these cases of irrational violence? The buzz online suggests many people believe it could be some kind of a virus causing the attacks, some saying it actually turns people into zombies. Clearly these folk think The Walking Dead is a reality show.

For years, the subject of a zombie apocalypse has been a huge thing online. Hundreds, if not thousands, of websites are dedicated to praising zombies, offering instructions on how to fight zombies, protecting yourself from zombies and probably even dating zombies. There’s even a bullet guaranteed to kill zombies called Zombie Max. On Facebook and YouTube, a lot of users seem to believe that governments are hiding something. People who have used ‘bath salts‘, the drug that police say the Miami Zombie was on, insist there is no way anyone would react to it like that o is there something more sinister than bad drugs here? Maybe something as sinister as a zombie apocalypse?

Well if you fancy your chances of running for the hills with Christopher Ecclestone or the gorgeous Naomie Harris, write your name, email address and mobile phone number on a twenty pound note and send it to us.

Video of Miami Zombie attack shot by an eye – witness.

RELATED POSTS:
Zombie Rampage In USA – The Shopping Dead
Coming Soon To A Waste Pipe Near You – Intelligent Slime
Reincarnation: Is There Scientific Proof We Can Live Again?
Life On Mars
Turd Nine From Outer Space
Smack in the gob for supernatural sceptics
Did You See That?
Forward Psychic SoldiersIt’s Life Craig, But Not As We Know It.
Frankencops
Zombie Zoo
Flesh Eating Zombie Bacteria

Frankencops

Police forces in England, Wales and Northern Ireland have admittted storing body parts and organs that are no longer required as evidence, a report published today reveals.

The samples were kept from murder investigations and suspicious deaths from as far back as 1960. A covert police unit led by Inspector Igor has been working on stitching the body parts together in an attempt to create a kind of copper guaranteed to disperse rioters and but the fear of God into terrorists.

Brains, heads, hearts, livers, lungs and human limbs were among the samples.

Commenting on the report from the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo) Superintendent Karloff said body parts no longer needed as evidence could not be discusssed as what the police planned to do with them was nobody else’s effing business.

The report was sparked following a series of complaints from criminals that they had been arrestede by Constables who stank of death warmed up and had very cold,clammy hands. Once man suspected of being a mugger complained “I didn’t mean to nick the coppers fingers, they just fell off and landed in me pocket.” Another told our reporter, “The copper wot arrested me said, “‘Ello ‘ello, ‘ello, we’ve got you bang to rights my lad. Now we can either do this the hard way or I can just eat you.”

A whistle blower inside the living dead squad told Boggart Blog, “We have mastered the bit about getting corpse mash ups to move realistically but still have alot of work to do on the decomposition problem.

Sergeant Fred Cadaver of the Police Federation Zombie branch said, “Now the Federation have accepted up as proper coppers we are hoping to get out lads the same pay and conditions as regular police officers. We accept times are tough but it is completely wrong to expect people to work for nothing jusdt because they are dead.

The real story: Body parts kept by police forces – BBC News

RELATED POSTS:
Beloved Succubus