What has a loaf of bread to do with the price of fish

When The Prime Minister was asked during the Conservative Conference if he knew the price of a loaf of bread, the lefties, who get sillier by the day, and disturbingly, more uniformly silly because they all react in exactly the same way, were beside themselves with glee.

Ha haa see, posh boy Cameron is out of touch with the ordinary people, they chortled like 1950s comic characters (only characters in comic chortle) see, the fool does not even know the price of a loaf of bread.

And I’d be surprised if Ed Miliband knew the answer, or Nick Clegg or for that matter Nigel Farage and Alex Salmond. And that should not disturb us in the least. Why? Because it’s one of those silly questions that left wing media luvvies from The Guardian and BBC Radio 4’s Today programme love to ask although they don’t know the answer themselves.

How can I say that? Surely I can’t know that none of those hypocrites at The Guardian or BBC Radio News hasn’t a clue about the price of a loaf.

Well I can know that actually, just as I know for certain that none of those people know how long a piece of string is (that’s a hypothetical piece of string, not one we can measure).

It is a pity however, and a damning indictment of our politicians that when asked this question none had the with to ask, “Do you mean a supermarket budget brand 800 gramme loaf at 47p, an Allinson’s 800 gram high fibre white at £1.35 or a 600 gramme multigrain barmbrack from a craft bakery at £3.50.

They are all loaves of bread after all.

And if you want to learn the price of a loaf for yourself here is a list of 106 different loaves. One would hope the Prime Minister and the leader of the opposition have better things to do than sit around memorising them.

Meanwhile here’s a politician who knows the price of a pie (or several) and a pint)But was he ever Prime Minister material.

Aldi confirms up to 100% horsemeat in beef products

Supermarket chain Aldi has confirmed there may be up to 100% horsemeat in its budget burgers.

The environment secretary is due to meet the Food Standards Agency, food suppliers and retailers on Saturday to discuss the horsemeat scandal after Aldi became the latest supermarket to confirm its withdrawn beef products contained up to 100% horsemeat.

Owen Paterson said it was unacceptable that consumers were mis-sold products, but that the problems originated overseas.

“We believe that the two particular cases of the frozen burgers from Tesco and the lasagne from Findus are linked to suppliers in Ireland and France respectively. We and the Food Standards Agency are working closely with the authorities in these countries, as well as with Europol, to get to the root of the problem,” he said (report: The Daily Record

Don’t know why he’s trying to pretend he’s surprised. Anyone with a grain of common sense would suspect there are a lot worse things that horsemeat in supermarket budget burgers.

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Human Meat Found In Food On Supermarket Shelves

No, it isn’t a belated follow up to those horsemeat in supermarket burgers stories but it will make you think twice before buying a burger from one of those vans near a pub at closing time.

The horse meat fiasco has prompted health authorities around the world to look a bit more deeply into what else might finding its way into foods we causually pick up from supermarket shelves.

A South African research team commissioned to look into the content of food intended for humans have just found traces of human tissue in products sold for for public consumption.

The issue was revealed to the South African parliament, almost as a side note, during meat inspection briefings on Tuesday. A University of Stellenbosch professor and his team conducted a microbial analysis that revealed traces of human elements, but said that slaughterhouse workers sometimes cut themselves . . . or other things . . . which could lead to the findings. What other things? Put chunks of dead mother-in-law in the mincer. I know funerals are expensive but FFS…

The professor told MPs “If I walked into a factory and the sample I randomly selected to test was a meat sample of which the person de-boning the meat had just picked his nose and then touched the meat, I would get a totally different microbial reading,”.

Mmmm, snot pies, an old Lancashire favourite … delicious with fava beans and a good Chianti. Beyond the findings themselves, the story brings up the global hot-button topic of the moment: Exactly what the fuck are those fascist food corporations putting in the food we going to supposed to eat.

Greenteeth

Ian at scribd

ian at authorsden

Bubblews

Latest Twist In Horsemeat Saga

We used to blog stories about the lips and arseholes in Supermarket burgers and ready meals. Now it seems lips and arseholes were too good for the budget line products.

In the latest shock, we hear burgers, lasagne and other meat based products have been found to contain peanuts. Which is a bit of a choker if you bought burgers because you are allergic top peanut butter.

Just as an aside, Mrs T. and I had Findus fish fingers last night. We were shocked to hear this morning there may have been some seahorse in them.

Best horsemeat burger joke so far

It looks like the horsemeat in supermarket burgers story might keep us going for a while.

here’s the latest from my facebook friends, this on contributed by Ben Purseglove

“TESCO have launched a new range of meatballs…they’re the dog bollocks”

Shock! ?Horror! Horsemeat In Supermarket Own Brand Burgers

Oh the terror, oh the fear and panic, oh the over reaction at this mornings news that horsemeat had been found in supermarket own brand burgers.

You’d think that supermarkets had been caught using G M tomatoes in their own brand bolognese sauce …

(What do you mean, “They’ve no right putting crap like tomatoes in bolognese sauce?” Get out of here.)

There is no more health risk from eating horsemeat than G M foods. The questions are “do we want to eat horses?” and “do we want to hand control of the food supply to a nasty, fascistic corporation like Monsanto?”

Your answers should be, “Only if they’re ugly horses and not those cute ones that do the fancy dancing in the Olympic games,” and “no, of course we don’t.”

So if you have have eaten any supermarket own brand burgers containing horsemeat DONT’T PANIC! There is no risk to you or your kids in horsemeat burgers. It’s the lips and arseholes, brains and innards in beefburgers you need to worry about.

Not Qualified To Press A Button

Janice Woodward spent 75 minutes trapped with her granddaughter in a lift at her local ASDA store at Portland, Dorset, after health and safety rules stopped staff pushing a button to rescue them according to Boggart Blog reporter embedded in the supermarket’s head office.

Mrs Woodward, 55, presssed the alarm button when the lift at the Asda store stalled with her and two-year-old Lily Mai inside.

Although staff attended immediately they couldn’t touch a control button to release the lift doors because they had not been trained to press buttons and so weren’t qualified to release Mrs Woodward.

Managers told Mrs Wodward’s daughter who was not with the other two having been to the kiosk that a fully trained button pushing technician would have to be called to release the pair. When the fully trained and certified button pusher arrived he completed a 40 page risk assessment and arranged a meeting with the store’s health and safety officer simply pressed the button marked emergency door release to free them.

Mrs Woodward said her daughter, Lily Mai’s mother Becky, who had to wait outside the lift, was told by staff they could not have helped because of health and safety rules.

When questioned by a Boggart Blog reporter an ASDA Head Office Droid spokesperson said: “Mrs Williams was not trapped for an hour and fifteen minutes, that is an exaggeration. Our incident book shows it was only a hour and thirteen minutes.

These people are just compo seekers, they know damned well if any harm had come to them as a result of an unqualified person pressing that button ASDA could have faced a personal injury claim. Do you have any idea how much compensation claims from people like this cost a company the size of ASDA each year.

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People and Places

Love for sale (with loyalty points)

Imagine a supermarket that had a prostitutes section. Or a shopping mall with an area reeserved for shop window displays like those seen in Amsterdam’s Canal Street.

It might not be so far fetched as it sounds. Read the full story in:

Supermarkets to offer sex for sale

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Full Marks (and Spencers) for Wise Buys and Big Knickers.

Not long ago we reported on the plans of posh people’s supermarket Waitrose to introduce its own budget brand to compete with Tesco No Frills and Asda Smart Price. Waitrose ignored our suggestion that the new line should be called “Not Very Many Frills” and chose to call it essentials. While some of you may wonder just how essential items like Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Tinned Mung Beans and budget Pate de Fois Gras actually are to your shopping basket we are more concerned to find that now Waitrose have fallen to the recession, that bastion of suburban values Marks and Spencer are to follow. Bludgeoned by recesion, credit crunch and quantitative easing
M & S are aggressively promoting their own budget brand “Wise Buys”

Shopper watching in Marks will be a good way of finding out who is truly classy and who just has pretensions. Your real quality (a) would not be seen dead in an M & S sweater and (b) would not buy a budget brand because they would be aware of the old false economy maxim, “buy chap, buy twice.” Its surprising though how many of the showiest people are cheapskates. All fur coat and no knickers as the saying goes.

Which moves us on to the wisest buy for women shopping in Marks during these chilly economic times, the best money saver of all; Big Knickers. The traditional passion killers of the past ought to be the essential underwear of the recession.

How so? Big Knickers are truly passion killers, newly unemployed people with time on their hands may find their thoughts turning to afternoon delight before the kids get home from school. If you look at the latest official figures on the cost of bringing up a child you will understand the economic benefits of sexually repellent underwear.

More on Big Knickers in Ethical Knickers For Your valentine
While some women find security in Big Knickers others are insulted at suggestions they need such things.

While British Supermarkets batlle it out with Budget brands over in Eastern Europe they are tacking the recession in much more creative ways.
CLICK HERE to go to Love For Sale With Loyalty Points to find out more.

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News From The Breadline #2

Not quite news of folk already on the breadline in this post as people who are already on their way there. Posh peopls’ supermarket Waitrose, not pereviously known for its “stack ‘em high, sell ‘em cheap” marketing promotions and BOGOFFs has been forced to acknowledge the recession and is to launch its own budget brand to comete with lines like ASDA Smart Price, Sainsbury’s Basics, Netto Super de Luxe and Tesco No Frills.

We hear Waitrose are not abandoning all their pretensions in a bid to find the lowest common denominator though. The new budget brand will be called “Only A Few Frills.”

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