The Duchess Of Kate

Queen Ant – almost as fecund as certain members of The Royal Family (image source)

Oh effing Joy! The Duchess Of Kate has given birth. It seems hardly five minutes sing the last one was born. What a bummer that the only news to come along that can shove the election off the top of the news is even more boring.

While I’m happy for Prince William and The Duchess Of Cambridge (bit of SEO there) that they got a girl and having acquired a full set can stop now and not put us poor taxpayers to any more expense, why the ballyhoo. A woman has a baby, it’s hardly news is. After all if women didn’t have babies there wouldn’t be a human race would there.

Apparently the dear Duchess Of Kate went into hospital at 6 am this morning and popped the sprog out at 8:30.Which, were she to make a habit of giving birth with such facility, might suggest on the ascension of Willie – boy to the throne we might have to call his spouse Queen Ant rather than Queen Kate.

Elton John’s Dolce & Gabbana boycott is not a simple case of good versus evil

There’s nothing quite like an Elton John hissy fit for putting people off gays bigtime. Every time the old tart gets on his high horse (and falls off the other side like a comedy cowboy) another few million people join the homophobics union.

Few subjects are as certain to kick off an internet flame war as what constitutes a proper family. You would the wisdom of Solomon and delicate tread of an Angel to deal with the topic painlessly; and were you to lucky enough to find one, that Angel would probably refuse to offer an opinion, not daring to tread on such easily offended tootsies.

Instead then, find a fool, or a bunch of fools. Let them rush in, as did the ever sillier former rock star ‘Sir’ Elton John when fashion designers Dolce and Gabbana, made some less than laudatory comments about non standard families.

One of the fashionistas made a comment about same-sex parents: “Every child should have a mother,” he said, which Sir Elton interpreted as an insult; (these days he interprets everything as an insult); consequently, the singer has demanded a boycott of the Italian’s designer clothing. Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Well the topic of same sex marriages will be debated for a long time and the issues if IVF and same sex parents will become more rather than less controversial.

But whether we think a child fares better with natural parents or not, I’m sure we can all agree no child deserves the stigma of being related to Elton John

Eugenics by any other name: Scientists call for ban on editing human genome
Transhumanism: With A Chip Under Your Skin You Will Be Superhuman
The Dark Side Of Biotech Just Got Even Darker
Of Mice and Men and Mad Scientists. The Lunatics Trying To Create Man – Mouse Hybrids
Freaky Frankenstein Fishes
We Must Let Darwinism Do Its Work.
The human egg trade is science meets creepy
Scientists making human / animal hybrid embryos
Eugenics to create Frankenstein babies
Eugenics belongs to the political left not the right

The Duchess Of Kate Baby Referendum Scam Exposed

What about this mornings big news story concerning The Duchess of Kate. I feel sorry for the poor cow, I really do. In this world of spin and deception think what might be behind this Royal baby boom.Just imagine, there she is sitting in the breakfast room with hubby and the child, wearing her ‘Piglet’ onesie as she enjoys her boiled egg and soldiers, when knock, knock, knock on the bloody door and in walk the three stooges, Cameron, Clegg and Miliband.

“Look Kate old girl,” they say, “there’s a bit of a constitutional crisis heading our way over this Scottish referendum whatsit. We’ve been too complacent and the plebs up there in chilly Jockoland have got wind we’ve been keeping schtumm about a couple of massive oil finds off Shetland hoping to convince them Scotland couldn’t survive economically outside the Union.

“Now they know they’ll be richer than Saudi Arabia we’re just a bit up shit creek. So we need you to lie back and think of England while Willie boy puts one in the oven. News of a Royal baby will surely unite Scots voters behind the Monarchy.”

Can’t see the Scots falling for it myself. With all that oil who needs a monarch. The ploy was so obvious Salmond was onto it before the cybersphere.

Secrets and oil
More satirical posts

More Good News For UKIP As IDS Has Gone Down The Plug Hole

IDS benefit plan fails
“Gloat all you like Farage, my dick is this big, nygh!” – IDS

It has been a good few days for Nigel Farage and his team. While some Labour and Conservative commentators are trying the anti EU Party did not do well in local elections, UKIP Candidates did better than expected in elections for local councils where in the majority of cases they were trying to unseat incumbents.

The real earthquake, if it happens, will come when results for the European Parliament elections are known. But with the Tories at each others throats and Labour in total disarray (and the party managements have plenty of clues as to what is to come) it is looking good for UKIP members and those of us who wanted to see the arrogant, compacent, corrupt and anti – British established parties of the LibLabConspiracy kicked up the arse.

But on top of all that, and leading fans of Greek myth to feel The Olympians must be supporting the anti EU cause (and that’s no surprise after the way the Euronazis in Brussels have shafted Greece), we learn that one of The Coalition’s flagship policies has gone down the toilet and is halfway to the sewage farm.

Oh well, here’s a song for the father of Benefits reform, Iain Duncan Smith:

Your Baby Has Gorn Dahn The Plug ‘ole(A MOTHER’S LAMENT)

(Writer Unknown – London Music Hall Song))
Recorded by Martin Carthy – 1964
Cream (vocal: Ginger Baker)- 1967 (lyrics below)

A mother was bathin’ her baby one night
The youngest of ten, a poor little mite
The mother was fat and the baby was fin
T’was nawt but a skellington wrapped up in skin

The mother turned round for the soap from the rack
She weren’t gone a minute, but when she got back
Her baby had gone, and in anguish she cried
“Oh, where is my baby?”, and the angels replied

Your baby has gorn dahn the plug’ole
Your baby has gorn dahn the plug
The poor little thing was so skinny and thin
He shoulda been bathed in a jug

Your baby is perfik’ly happy
He won’t need no bathin’ no more
He’s workin’ his way through the sewers
Not lost, just gone on before

Your baby has gorn dahn the drainpipe
And the chlorine is bad for his eyes
He’s havin’ a swim, and it’s healthy for him
He needed the exercise

Don’t worry ‘baht ‘im, just be ‘appy
For I know he is suff’rin’ no pain
Your baby has gorn dahn the plug’ole
Let’s hope he don’t stop up the drain

Your baby is perfik’ly ‘appy
He won’t need a bath any more
He’s muckin’ abaht with the angels above
Not lost but gone before

from The Daily Mail

A good day for ministers to bury bad news: IDS benefits plan in such chaos it’s classed as beyond failure

‘Iain Duncan Smith’s flagship welfare reform is going so badly that a watchdog has had to a create a whole new category to describe its failures.

The Work and Pensions Secretary’s scheme to replace six separate benefits with a single Universal Credit was sent back to the drawing board last year following serious delays and cost overruns.

The Major Projects Authority (MPA), the quango that assesses how effectively large schemes are being implemented, yesterday concluded that its worst rating was not bad enough to accommodate all the failings associated with Universal Credit.

The fact that the Government published the damning study amid the announcement of local election results led to accusations that ministers were seeking to ‘bury’ bad news.’

For Crying Out Loud

The BBC have surpassed themselves. While we knew coverage of the Royal Baby would instantly descent to the level of fawning idiocy, the Beeb’s saturation news coverage of the door of a private hospital is beyond idiotic.

Do they think we are stupid enough to believe The Duchess of Kate is the first woman in the history of everything ever.

Sincerely I wish William and Kate well, as I wish all new parents well. But while most new parents (with the exception of The Beckhams, Kerry Katona and whatever chavs has been knobbing her most recently, Katie Price, footballers WAGS and any other Z list celebrity who demands my attention,) do not annoy me, like all other saturation news coverage of non events does.

But my highest level of contempt has been aroused by the silly, politically correct bitch who was on the news last night whining that the birth of William and Kate’s baby effectively means no woman, black person, gay or member of any minority can become our head of state for at least a century.” The Royal effing Family are a minority. Privileged, inbred, useless and enormously rich. Just a minute, I forgot about how the monarchy save us from President Thatcher, President Blair and President Cameron. Not entirely useless, but close.

Apart from that being so stupid it’s not even wrong, who gives a flying fuck.

Giant Baby Leaves Hospital

Britain’s biggest baby has been allowed to return home after he almost died during birth because of his staggering size. His mother was exposed to a near fatal dose of gamma radiation in her first trimester while driving past GCHQ just as they were experimenting with scalar wave mind control weapons. This caused giant baby George King of Cheltenham to be born weighing 15lbs 7 ounces.

Asked how she felt after the birth Gorge’s mum Jade said, “It felt like I’d shat a bag of cement.

Since going home little George has been amusing himself by playing with the twenty – four ton truck his Dad drives for a living.

Video of George being rocked to sleep by an Olympic weight lifter:

Men Do It Differently

We are used to actresses parading their babies and decaring proudly they do not know who the fater is.

Hugh Grant, who we’re delighted to hear (because it might make him fuck off) has become a father for the first time at 51, has struck a blow for equal rights and given a helping hand to the population explosion however. While he is proud of his baby girl he swears he does not know who the mother is.

Unfortunately Hugh’s baby was born a few days to early to become the planet’s human bering number seven billion.

Seven Billion: Population Growth And Its Consequences

In Appreciation Of Older Mothers

A doumentary on lateish last night looked at the trend for women way past the menopause to have babies by means of IVF.

I can’t say I have ever been wildly enthusiastic about this being a great believer in letting nature take its course. Having watched the show however I can see there is a lot to be said in favour of motherhood for women having babies in their late fifties or even sixties.

The programme showed an affluent businesswoman aged sixty-one breast feeding. When the office phone rang she was able to put her baby on the floor, pick up the phone and a notepad and deal with the call without interrupting the child’s feed.

There’s a positive side to everything.

Rubber Baby Syndrome